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This always happens. I start looking for a job and gradually move further along a continuum of disillusionment until I'm close to tears and then wonder whether I should stay where I am in retail and, as of Friday, whether it's too late to renege on my resignation and beg for a place at a different branch. Probably not the best idea since Friday night involved a nightmare about handing in a letter where I misplaced a hyphen and instead of resigning I re-signed and was being chased around with a new contract.

I don't know what job I want to do and this is the main problem. I look and look and try to keep an open mind but nothing ever jumps out at me. The only job the careers department at uni managed to recommend for me based on testing was joining the civil service FastTrack scheme and they rejected me based on my lack of managerial capabilities as illuminated in a questionnaire.

So yes. Here I am. As directionless as usual, steadily getting more fed up and I'm discovering there's a hell of a lot of stuff out there that I couldn't give a toss about. I'm not so idealistic as to believe there's an ideal job out there for me and I'm hanging on til it materialises. I think I'll probably find something out there that suits me well enough and grow into it somehow at some point. I also know that reality demands money and I've proven that I can sit in a job that upsets and frustrates me for three years without anything drastically awful happeneing. I'm not going to starve or anything. I'm just not relishing the possibility that my own fecklessness will result in my own misery.

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